


Seeing The Light

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cute Ending, Dean Winchester Realizes Feelings For Castiel, Drinking, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: Sam talks some sense into his not-quite-drunk brother. Dean finally realizes the truth.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	Seeing The Light

"Are you alright, Dean?" Sam asked his brother. Dean was currently drinking in the bunker's kitchen. "Is anything wrong, or-"

Dean shook his head. "You'll just say I'm being a dumbass anyway, so I'm fine, Sammy." 

Sam laughed. Dean would never admit to anything. "Yeah? Okay, Dean. Whatever you say." He rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm going out for food. Do you want anything?"

"I'll take anything as long as it's not your health-food vegan-crap kind of food." He shuddered. "How the hell do you even eat that stuff?"

"It's healthy, Dean. And I like it." Sam chuckled and left, shaking his head.

"Rabbit food's what that is," Dean muttered to himself under his breath. "I will never understand that kid."

He took another long sip of beer. He was on his third beer of the night. Dean was seriously considering drinking all the alcohol the bunker had available, because so far he was still thinking about what had caused him to start drinking in the first place.

Something had changed since Purgatory and the Leviathan flower. Almost losing Cas in a completely different world was so much worse than losing him in the regular world. And now, Dean was feeling so much crap where the angel was concerned. It felt like he was losing his mind.

Cas was just a good friend, wasn't he? Not just a good friend, but Dean's best friend. He knew everything about Dean, probably including things about his body after rebuilding it from Hell. The thought should have been unnerving, but Dean now wondered: how much did he know that the hunter wasn't aware of?

It just made him more curious, and the more Dean thought about Cas, the more he drank. It was a cycle that went on for a while longer until Dean felt somewhat drunk. His tolerance to alcohol wouldn't let him get farther than that.

He took out his phone. Dean's original plan had been to call Sam and request an extra burger or two, but he completely avoided his brother's contact. Before he knew it, he was waiting for someone to pick up the phone.

"Hello, Dean." Cas responded after the first ring. He never wasted time answering a call, that way Dean and Sam never had to worry about him over the phone. If the angel didn't pick up, something was wrong.

"Hey Cas," Dean said, wishing he was more drunk. He felt almost nervous just speaking to the guy now.

"Is there a reason you called?" Cas asked.

"Nah, I just wanted to talk to you, you know? Without death coming after our asses." Dean shrugged even though Cas couldn't see it. 

"I suppose that's fair. I apologize for assuming anything, Dean." Cas paused. "Are you at the bunker?"

"Yeah, why're you asking anyway?" Dean asked, but then he jumped as Cas appeared next to him, phone to his ear. He heard his own voice come out of it and winced. Damn, was that really how he sounded? Maybe it was the drinks' effect on him that made his voice sound worse than usual. "Son of a bitch, don't do that, Cas!"

"You've been drinking." Cas said, but it was asked more than just spoken. "How much have you had already?"

Dean laughed dryly. "Not enough." 

"Answer me, Dean." Cas sighed. He met Dean's eyes and damn, way to make a guy feel bad. Those blue-blue eyes were looking at him with concern and no judgement whatsoever. He was freaking guilting Dean into confessing.

"You gonna keep looking at me like that? Come on." Dean pushed his chair back dramatically and stood up. "Don't use your puppy eyes or whatever to make me talk." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm simply worried. I have no intentions of 'playing dirty' as you call it." Of course he had to use the air quotes. 

"You're not my mom," Dean huffed. "But fine, damn it. Like five beers. But I'm feeling none of 'em." 

"Whether or not you're feeling the effects of the amount of alcohol you've consumed is not the point." Cas moved into Dean's personal space. "You forget I know not just every part of your body, but your moods and emotions as well. Something is on your mind."

Well fuck. What was Dean supposed to say to that? He found himself opening and closing his mouth with nothing coming out. He took a step back, hoping to put more room between himself and Cas. Not much, but just enough to think clearly. He'd had no idea how to talk to Cas when the guy was close enough for Dean to see every detail of his face and commit it to memory.

"You're not denying it, so I know I'm right." Cas allowed Dean the space he wanted but didn't let him get too far. "What's going on, Dean? I only want to help you if I can."

It was the damn puppy eyes again. Dean started talking without even realizing it. "I'm feeling weird, okay? And I don't even know how to describe it either, but it's all because of you. Ever since," Dean went on, gesturing wildly, "since Purgatory, when you were damn near left behind, things have been a damn mess."

Cas tilted his head in the way he always did. "I fail to see how that's a reason to drink. You could have easily talked to me instead of doing this." He pointedly looked down at the empty beer bottles. 

"Don't act like you're so damn righteous or some crap like that. You literally drank a whole bar once, remember that?" 

Cas frowned, looking tired of this argument already even though it had just started. "I do. But I owned up to it and haven't done it since then. You kept your thoughts and feelings hidden away from me, Dean, knowing fully well that you were withholding information. I'd much rather see you without the influence of beer and liquor than the way you are now."

"Then do it. Do your angel magic tricks and speed up the sobering-up process already if that's what you want." Dean crossed his arms. He didn't want to get lectured by Cas.

"You said yourself that you don't feel intoxicated," Cas countered. "I won't use my grace on you for something like this." 

For a second, the angel looked like he was having some kind of debate with himself. Then he fully faced Dean again. "Sam's returning now. I should give you time to calm down."

"What the- hey!" Dean almost yelled, annoyed. "Freakin' angels," he said quietly when Cas left him alone again. "I'm calm. I'm fine, damn it. I don't need him anyway," he added, but it was all a lie, especially the last part. Dean did need Cas, and the angel had to know it.

"Dean? I'm back," Sam called to him. "Here, I got you a cheeseburger." Dean gratefully took the burger and tore into it, hungrier than he'd thought he was. "You seem kinda upset," Sam observed.

"It's emotions and crap. We all get them," Dean said through a mouthful of burger. "Blame Cas for it this time," he said quietly, but Sam still heard him.

"Cas was here? What'd he do?" Sam asked, taking a seat at the table. 

"He gave me a goddamn lecture for drinking, like I was a kid, Sammy! And then I told him he was making me feel weird, and he said I should have just talked to him. Sam, he said that he was so damn perfect, admitting his mistakes while I don't and I hold back everything." Dean sighed, frustrated. "He's being a pain in the ass."

Dean had no idea what to say when Sam started chuckling and shaking his head. "You don't get it, do you, Dean?"

All Dean could do was glare at his brother. "Seriously?! I'm done telling you anything."

When Dean turned to leave the kitchen, Sam's footsteps quickly caught up with him. "Wait, Dean. Just listen to me, okay?"

"What-the-hell-ever. Fine." Dean purposely fell back into his seat like a child throwing a tantrum. "I'm getting tired of talking to you already, Sammy."

Sam sighed. "You love him, Dean. I've been watching you two for years. I know you don't want to believe me, but you're not exactly doing a good job of hiding it, you know?" He held up a hand, cutting Dean off before he could respond. "I'm just being honest here. You can keep denying it if you want to, Dean, but that won't get you anywhere."

"Love? You- you think I love Cas? I've heard some crazy shit from you before, but I swear that's not it. No way in hell am I in love with-" Dean shook his head. "Just shut up already."

Not long after that, Dean headed to his room. He'd attempted texting Cas, but he'd been left on read, because Cas was being an asshole and purposely ignoring him. 

Normally Dean would scoff and just think Cas was being stubborn and not feel offended. But now it was almost comical how quickly he resorted to acting like he was being punished. Cas was a stubborn son of a bitch, yes, but he'd always texted back in less than a minute. Even if he was texting one-word responses.

Love. The word wouldn't get out of his head. Dean tried reasoning with himself. There were different kinds of love, right? Sammy had made him think it was romantic love. What if he'd meant brotherly love? 

But he hadn't. And now Dean was racing through his memories, racking his brain for an answer. 

When he'd found Cas slumped against the tree in Purgatory, it had felt like he was releasing a deep breath he had no idea he'd been holding. Every time Cas had returned after dying yet again it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Everything was just better with the angel around. He and Dean had some sort of sense when the other was around, like they were perfectly attuned to one another's moods. Dean could easily say he'd become an expert in Cas's body language; he was always aware of the angel. "That's not it, damn it," Dean insisted, but he was fighting a losing battle with himself. "Of course I care about him, but still, that doesn't have to be love."

But he had lost the fight already. Some part of him had long since accepted his feelings for the angel, but the rest of him had covered it up. Now, thanks to his little brother, he got the sense he was fully exposed.

Dean laid back on his bed. He wished he could just talk to Cas, but he was staying away until the hunter wasn't going to snap at him for just walking up to him. "It's not like the guy lives in my ass," Dean had said once. Now he almost wished he did, it would make things a hell of a lot easier.

One more text, and then Dean would give up. Or call him again. Whichever worked. _Come back already,_ he typed.

Cas had once told him that angels could sense longing. Maybe it was the fact that Dean was getting more and more desperate to see him and he could tell, but he actually texted back this time. _What about what I said?_

Dean sighed and just called him. "I'm fine now, okay? Just get your ass over here." Did Cas also hear the pleading in his voice?

"I'm on my way." Cas sounded tired, resigned to the fact that Dean was moody, but he agreed easily enough.

"You gonna just appear again?" Dean asked.

"I'm coming in through your door." Dean could already hear Cas's footsteps as they got closer. He hung up the phone when the footsteps stopped in front of his room. Even before the first knock, he'd opened the door. "Hello, Dean."

"I told Sam about all the crap you said and what I told you," Dean said as a starting point. "He laughed and said I loved you, and-"

"You don't. I never expected anything different." Cas smiled, but it was a sad smile.

"I didn't think so, yeah, but I actually thought about it, and guess what? I'm crazy about your angelic ass." Dean led Cas into his room, shutting the door.

"Is that the reason you had those feelings toward me, Dean?" Cas asked, tilting his head. He looked down, a brighter smile flickering on his lips. Only for a second though, because then he forced his face to stay neutral.

"Bingo." Dean grinned. "I freaking love you, and I've finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized it."

"I never entertained the possibility myself," Cas admitted quietly, just loud enough for Dean to hear. "Now I know I should have. I love you as well."

"You weren't exactly subtle," Dean said, "but it's nice to hear you say it back. I'm glad I'm not drunk so I don't forget," he said with a laugh.

"I would remind you if you did forget for whatever reason." Cas looked so damn happy, it was like he was brightening up the whole room. Maybe, Dean thought, maybe everything was just better now. "I know I'll remember myself."

"You'd better, because I'm gonna make up for the time I didn't know any of this, and if you aren't ready, too bad." He added a wink at the end and Cas got adorably flustered. 

"I'm always going to be ready. Anything you want to do, Dean." Cas no doubt assumed something dirty, based on his gaze going back and forth between Dean and the bed right behind them. 

Dean, for once, wasn't thinking about that and instead said, "We'll save that for later," while smirking. "You aren't an angel at all, are you? You're mind's already in the gutter."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Just for tonight? This." And then Dean gently kissed him, and it was absolutely perfect. Cas didn't mind letting Dean control the kiss, melting into it and leaning more on Dean instead. "Will you stay with me while I sleep or have you decided to stop that crap?"

"I'd do anything you asked of me. Of course I'll stay."


End file.
